December 2011
26 posts
3 tags
Dec 23rd
94 notes
2 tags
Dec 20th
613 notes
2 tags
Dec 20th
72 notes
3 tags
Strange late night conversations with my mother #2...
Mom: (as she sneaks up behind me on the stairs) What if I turned into a zombie?
Me: I'd kill you instantly.
Mom: Scary daughter...(trudges up the stairs)
Dec 17th
3 tags
Strange late night conversations with my mother #1...
Mom: Would you want to be reborn as a boy?
Me: No, I like being a girl.
Mom: What if you were a very handsome looking boy?
Me: Yes, absolutely.
Dec 16th
2 tags
My father tells off a customer after some dispute
Dad: NO! GET OUT OF MY SHOP! YOU LIE! YOU LIE! VERY BAD! I WILL CALL POLICE. GET OUT OF MY SHOP!
Customer: SHAME ON YOU! (leaves)
Dec 16th
3 tags
“I don’t know why he just left! He came and just went without saying...”
– My father, while speaking to customer service for Comcast on the phone
Dec 15th
2 tags
What my father tells his customers when he's angry...
Dad: You see that bottle outside in the parking lot? Stupid kids leave it there.
Customer: Uh huh ohh yeah, I see that! That's not very nice.
Dad: What the hell. I'll kill them. when I find them I'll break their necks.
Customer: Ohh umm...you'll probably get in trouble then! Haha... (probably frightened at this point)
Dad: What? No! Just teaching them a lesson, that's all...
Dec 15th
2 tags
My father mistook me for a whale.
Me: Hey, doesn't this look like a whale? (I pick up a stapler)
Dad: What, you?
Dec 15th
2 tags
“Do you want to put your leg into my butt so you can feel how excited I am?”
– Anne
Dec 15th
3 tags
My brief conversation with Tom Felton
Me: Hi Tom!
Tom Felton: Hello!
Me: uhhh..uhhh how's life?
Tom: It's good! Kinda warm, isn't it?
Me: Yes, very...So! What's your rapper name going to be?
Tom: Hmmm I haven't really thought about that...
(autograph obtained, picture taken, time to go...)
Tom: Bye, lovely!
Dec 15th
2 tags
Leonardo DiCaprio's movie, Southern Island.
Dad: Let's watch Southern Island on Netflix! Southern Island is on Netflix! Let's watch it!
Me: What is Southern Island?
Dad: That Leonardo movie.
Me: You mean Shutter Island..?
Dad: Yeah, that one.
Dec 15th
1 tag
“Oh, come on! I can see air back there. SPOON IT!”
– Bus driver lady
Dec 15th
3 tags
I may be an English major but I know my chemical...
Bro: nacl
Me: sodium chloride?
Bro: back*
wtf
you nerd
Me: also commonly known as table salt?
Dec 15th
2 tags
“I PROCRASTINATE BY APPLYING EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF CHAPSTICK.”
– Edward, a strange but delightful friend.
Dec 15th
2 tags
“I just walked past a flag pole and the wind is so strong the flag was beating...”
– Angel
Dec 15th
2 tags
My brother didn't know it was always sunny in...
Me: Hey, do you know It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia?
Bro: Really? No way.
Dec 15th
4 tags
Dec 13th
2 tags
Dec 13th
13 notes
3 tags
Dec 13th
4 tags
Dec 13th
7 notes
3 tags
Dec 13th
10 notes
2 tags
Dec 7th
1,558 notes
3 tags
Dec 7th
9,457 notes
6 tags
Dec 7th
61 notes
1 tag
“Sorry, I stepped on the corner of your nuts.”
– Sharon, my roommate
Dec 4th
November 2011
33 posts
3 tags
Nov 29th
4 notes
2 tags
Nov 26th
21 notes
3 tags
Nov 26th
3 tags
Nov 26th
5 notes
1 tag
Nov 26th
555 notes
3 tags
Nov 25th
5 notes
I DON'T WANT TO WRITE THIS ENGLISH PAPER. WHY, MR....
Nov 25th
3 tags
Nov 25th
4 notes
4 tags
Nov 25th
4 notes
3 tags
Nov 25th
4 notes
3 tags
Nov 24th
3 tags
Nov 24th
32 notes
4 tags
Nov 24th
37 notes
4 tags
Nov 24th
58 notes
3 tags
Nov 24th
4 tags
Nov 24th
7 tags
Nov 20th
28 notes
4 tags
Nov 17th
Nov 16th
2 tags
Nov 16th
5 tags
Nov 16th
3 tags
Nov 14th
3 tags
“That kid freaking spread his stuff on the table every fucking where like how I...”
– Angel, my angry and bitter friend.
Nov 11th
1 tag
Nov 11th